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Kiwicon IV: Our Worst CFP Yet



 ----[ TRULY THE FUTURE IS NOW, FOR IT IS THE YEAR
           _______  _______  _____  _______  _______  ______
          |       ||   _   || _   ||   _   ||   _   ||   _  \
          |___|   ||.  |   ||.|   ||.  |   ||.  1   ||.  |   \
           /  ___/ |.  |   |`-|.  ||.  |   ||.  _   ||.  |    \
          |:  1  \ |:  1   |  |:  ||:  1   ||:  |   ||:  1    /
          |::.. . ||::.. . |  |::.||::.. . ||::.|:. ||::.. . /
          `-------'`-------'  `---'`-------'`--- ---'`------'
	
 And, in this distant future time, the black art that is our craft becomes
 only more necessary. Speech becomes code, codes become weapon, weapons
 become terror. Forewarned is forearmed, they say, and by this metric
 we are vanguard warriors, ironclad as we step bravely forth. Though our
 quests begat rewards, these trinkets shield us not from the futility of our
 march; for it is the year 2010AD, and the end is nigh.

 So, warriors, shamans, hobbits and humble herdspersons, let us burn the lanolin
 of our final muster and make merry, for tomorrow, the future arrives and we
 have seen the ominous cloud thrown up by its blackened hooves pounding the
 horde ever nearer. We cannot stall, our protestations weaken it no longer; for
 these are the end times...

 -----[ THE FINAL MUSTER
      ___ ___  __            __                        ___  ___ ___
     |   Y   )|__|.--.--.--.|__|.----..-----..-----.  |   ||   Y   |
     |.  1  / |  ||  |  |  ||  ||  __||  _  ||     |  |.  ||.  |   |
     |.  _  \ |__||________||__||____||_____||__|__|  |.  ||.  |   |
     |:  |   \                27-28 November, 2010AD  |:  ||:  1   |
     |::.| .  )              Wellington, New Zealand  |::.| \:.. ./
     `--- ---'                                        `---'  `---'

 Yes, by hoof or by boot, it is time to plan once again the journey to the
 idyllic palm-tree lined shores of New Zealand's sheep shearing capital -
 Te Kuiti - for the annual gathering of our ilk. See the mighty shears! Taste
 forbidden fruits at Bernie's Gas'n'Gobble! Marvel at the road signs that
 allow you to steer around the dark, looming metropolis of Hamilton!

 No, we jest. Sadly Kiwicon IV, the fourth installment of New Zealand's
 very own hacker con is not, in actuality going to be in Te Kuiti. You try
 getting a 350 seat auditorium and some decent beer there. Once again, however,
 we return to Victoria University's Pipitea Campus - having finally put the
 confusion about our origins as the NZ Institute of Minced Meats to bed - to
 enjoy the fine research of our peers, the coffee of sweet Sweet Fanny Anne,
 and the company of three hundred plus of Australasia's infosec finest.

 Well, finest might be stretching it. However, at the very least, it'll be
 more fun than getting your dags trimmed by a hungover dude in a black singlet.

 We invite you, our herd, our fellow fleece growers, gathers and pullers, to
 join us:

 -----[ THE IMPLEMENTATION, V4.0

 Kiwicon IV will be held at the same venue as previous Kiwicons, Victoria
 University, Wellington, New Zealand on the weekend 27-28th November 2010.

 Ticket sales will likely be available in advance this year, by the
 unholy aegis of eCyberCommerce to avoid the complications of selling out
 (ha-ha) in previous years.

 Note that Kiwicon IV occupies the weekend directly after the triumphant return
 of Australia's RUXCON, in Melbourne, 20-21st November - we'll be there, you
 should be too. Go book your flights and tickets, and we can all sit around
 and carp about Aussie beer and OWASPGate. It'll be great!

 -----[ IN WHICH WE CARRY OUT THE TRADITIONAL CALL FOR PAPERS

 Hacker cons need sello^Wspeakers (so we're told; apparently a vendor area
 isn't enough! who knew?) and we're led to believe we can summon these from
 the cybertubes, hence we utter forth this incantation:

      Spring lamb of our kai
      We offer for your leet warez
      Om nom minty good.

 We solicit from you, prospective speaker, the following:
  >< The nature of your designation: what does your ear-tag say?
  >< The nature of your talk: what do you care to bleat of, and why?
  >< The nature of yourself: from whence do you bleat, and with what authority?
  >< The duration of your bleating: how long is it?
  >< The other black sheep: are you gonna go to Ruxcon in Melbourne?
          (its the week before Kiwicon) Have you submitted there too?

 Submit, if you would care to, thusly:
   cfp@xxxxxxxxxxx

 Initial round of speakers will be announced on the 27th September, final round
 when the CFP closes 11th October.

 Presumably if you are submitting to talk at a hacker con, you're familiar
 with how this goes - talk about something awesome, do live demos, pop shells,
 drop zero day and you'll be sweet. No vendor shillin', no whitehat illin',
 and we're all sick of hearing about google hacking and PCI compliance.
 No extra points for unix beards, apple ][ era tattoos or other ostentatious
 nerd-uppery[1].

 Kiwicon is a single stream of talks, so timeslots will be allocated to the
 length you need - if you've got 20 mins of material, submit 20 mins, not
 padded out to an hour. This ain't no blackhat bizniss. There will be a
 dedicated slot for a bunch of lighting talks, so if you've got 5 minutes of
 justice, then wheel it on out.

 -----[ ADMINISTRIVIA, FINE PRINT AND ACCURACY IN PRODUCT LABELLING

 Kiwicon is a cheap-arse hacker con; fiddy bucks at the door, and we do our best
 to try and make that go as far as it can. We can't compensate speakers or fly
 y'out here to .nz (its a long way, man) but you'll have a good time, and if
 you want a few cold beers we can certainly oblige. We'll try and score you
 some swag or a chain of couches to sleep on if you want to go sight seeing.

 If you submit, you'll need to be able to get yourself here and back home again.
 We can write y'up something all fancy and shit to give to your employer or to
 get your CISSP credits or however you park your tractor, or otherwise forge
 whatever documentation you need, but despite photographic evidence to the
 contrary, we're not rolling around in cash.

 -----[ LAMBCHOPS AND OTHER PLEASANT SIDE EFFECTS

 Kiwicons prior have featured sideshow events - competitions, training,
 hands on lockpicking and wireless cracking. If you have something in mind
 drop us a line. Many of you enjoyed HFQ, Tokemon, SKiDWaRZ, or the perspex
 box full of money - why not step forward and help make Kiwicon awesome your
 way? Gotta spare lamb you wanna spit-roast out front of the con? Fuck
 yeah. Want to run a bus full of hackers out to Tangimoana for a BBQ? Why not?
 Hands on classes (lockpicking! wireless hacking! arduinoz!) or even a full day
 training course? Volunteer to help out and make Kiwicon moar win.

 -----[ THE SHED

 The cud ain't gonna chew itself:

  Email us: kiwicon@xxxxxxxxxxx
  Hip social networking: http://twitter.com/kiwicon
  Website: https://www.kiwicon.org/
  Drop by ircs: ircs.kiwicon.org:6697/kiwicon
  Join the list: hackers-subscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  (If you subscribed last year, you are still subscribed!)


   Big woolly hugz to y'all,
     Kiwicon Crue 2010AD


 -----[ THE BACKEND, WHERE THE VELCRO GOES

 [1] Well, actually, we love a good unix beard. Such luxuriant pelt.